Ex Amore Guadium

This could get sappy: Usually every day I wake up I'm convinced it's Saturday and naturally I wonder why I set my alarm so absurdly early. I also wonder, sometimes, where I am, and I also wonder, all the times, what in heaven's name do those birds have to fret about so early in the morning. My thought process then turns to the homework that had a target due date of yesterday, yet to be completed, and I strain to grasp onto any shred of light seeping through while I slowly come to realize that the snooze button is not my friend on this day. I do find a shred of light, I always have, but lately, since spring, this shred of light is more of a warm ray of sun coming through the window on a crisp day while I lay on the carpet with a book and follow the light around the room finding balance with slumber. I remember that I am in love. And that makes it ok that even though I'm quite certain it's been seven days since the last Saturday it can be Monday, and the homework shmomework assignment will be completed eventually, and those birds can just carry on their merry way because when my whole life is consumed in a dreamland I have little thought to spare the unfortunate circumstance and taint la vie en rose.

Early Bird

Mostly the birds wake me up in the morning. It's been quite nice outside lately so we've been keeping the window open and I just sleep in so late now that the birds are already up tweeting twittering flapping flying bustling and making all manner if rustling noises. Bless them. Sometimes it sounds like they're fighting and I wanna go to the window and ask them to please take it to the next window, but I'm so darn attached to my bed at least 20 minutes after my alarm goes off that I don't know if I'd get out of bed even if the ice cream truck came right to my door on free-ice-cream-from-the-ice-cream-truck-man day. Is this a problem? No, I can begin lounging the second I wake up by trying to fall back asleep. I can rest my body for a teansiest bit longer to prolong the stresses and pressures of the coming day. I like to wake up and not remember what day it is; I despise waking with a brain that picks up right where I left off on the Econ problem from the night before; it makes me feel like I never even slept! And, as one of my top ten most favorite and participated in pastimes, I'd like to remember how great sleeping was more that where I am or how I got here. Really, those questions need no be answered until at least a generous 10 am.

Upside Down

WARNING: The following body of text may cause sudden urges of acrobatic movement. Proceed with caution and a safety net.

We need to occasionally look at the world while upside down. It is so easy to get lost in our own lives and think ours is the only perspective, these solutions we see are the only fix to our problems, everything that can be invented has been invented, blah blah bleh etc. These are very limiting thoughts. When we stand on our head, our perspective changes, the problems we thought were problems are now smelborp; which, when translated, means hakuna matata.

To change your perspective without changing your position is a huge mind battle and requires imagining yourself in a place you are not actually occupying. Move to the other side of the room, stand on your head, move up a few floors and look down to see how the situation changes. When we change our perspective we change our questions and if we change our questions while we have the same problems, and we most certainly will have the same problems, then we can change our solutions. When we find different solutions then plagues we have dealt with our whole entire lives suddenly seem manageable. Theoretically. Hopefully practically as well; would you let me know if this works practically as well?

Impact

In other news, I read an article today about this house that crazy built and this couple who basically live in an obstacle course with no interior doors and uneven ground to the extreme. There are no children allowed, adults have to sign a waiver, and there are floor to ceiling polls to hold onto if you can't keep your balance. The idea is that the house keeps your body in an equilibrium that keeps you fit and healthy and mentally stimulated so you boost your immune system and never die. Sounds good enough. They say it is when you are comfortable in your life that death finds you. They say it's immoral that people have to die. They say they decided not to die. Why fight death? Or maybe they're fighting for life. I am not afraid of death but I appreciate the idea of fighting what can't be fought. It means you are passionate to the point of disregarding simple facts that determine your success before you even start because you simply have so much will power that you believe you can just will it to happen. If you focus enough and work enough and think enough then with a little pixie dust sheer will can overcome the most insurmountable obstacles. And maybe, just maybe, you'll succeed. So I won't fight death, but I will fight. Also, I have an agreement with a certain pixie and my life is dusted.

Sleep Deprived

Here's what's up. One of my greatest anxieties is to sleep in past the alarm and miss that really important once in a lifetime chance that I'd been waiting for since I knew how to wait. This is a real fear. I can't sleep the night before big events because I stay in this limbo sleep for fear of falling too deeply and giving into the roller coaster made of donuts and twizzlers rather than hear my alarm. I have, in the past, set a total of 7 alarms on two different devices with snoozes and all alarms at random intervals-just to be safe. I learned this from my dad. Thanks dad. But. If I go to sleep any time past 2 am then I set no alarm because I feel ridiculous setting an alarm anytime later than 9:30 am. It's like the heat from the sun should wake you up at that point, or you should hear your life moving on without you and that should wake you up. 

Life Changing

We can all thank Cinderella for teaching us that one pair of shoes can, in fact, change our lives. I got a new pair of shoes a few months ago and have loved every day ever since. The process was really amazing. I had to decide I actually wanted to buy shoes. Then shop around to see what kinds I liked. Then find the right pair at the right price in the right shade of brown and then had to fall in love. Which wasn't the hard part, I mean when you've been shopping like I have it's pretty clear when you've found the perfect fit. And then, every time you wear those shoes it's like the best day of your life, they are the detail you've been missing with each outfit to move it from cute to super classy cute. This is how I know it's a good purchase. Shoes can make a mark, not just on the leaves I'm crunching, the rocks I'm kicking, the snow I'm crunching, the puddles I'm rippling, but on me, myself, my life, my outlook, my perspective. Funny that looking down at a pair of shoes makes me look out and around and into the future.

Smells Like Spring

Today, I smelled Spring. I was right outside the building for my next lecture and all of a sudden this wind came from the east and ran through my body like a true love. A smile, obvious on my face, a spring, bouncing in my step, my hands, bare as I rip my gloves off to feel the buoyant sensation. I smelled life, excitement, joy and laughter, and a certain magnificence. . . this Spring will be one to remember I'm sure. It'll lay dormant and then one day, BOOM! Like you wouldn't believe. I've been walking by this one tree a few times a week and every time I pass I check the buds to see how they're doing. Let me tell you, they're doing. There is the slightest hint of a fuzz and they're getting fatter and fatter. Oh boy oh boy I really can't hold it in! Also, I have heard the birds 2 out of the last 5 mornings. I don't care what Punxsutawney Phil says, the birds tell me Spring is coming, and bless them for that glorious message. 

Too much, right? Wrong. There are never too much flowers.

Shadow Tag

It's that time of year. If I had a dime for every time I've heard that in the last week I think I'd have 5 dimes. The time of year to which I'm referring is that of the Shadow Tag. It's a great game where you stay in the sun as long as necessary. It's perfect to play at this time of year because it's so cold outside and that makes you sad. When you walk inside the heater makes you warm. But when you can feel the sun it warms your heart.

So. Basically. This is how you play: While walking around campus you avoid people's shadows. You can pass through shadows from buildings and trees and you can pass through people's shadows when they are on top of the building/tree shadows but you can't touch other people's shadow's otherwise. This is to maximize your time in the sun and the warmth in your heart.

Warnings: If you take this game seriously then you will end up walking at the oddest speed intervals and in the most zig zag motion depending on where the sun is and which way the shadows are going on your path. You may end up walking on the left side instead of the right, or suddenly stopping or speeding up, or suddenly pivoting. But. All for the sake of staying in the sun. It's worth it.

Not So Benign

This is my life. I prefer the x-axis to the y-axis. I feel emotionally closer to cos than sin and I think tan really just needs to make up its mind about what side he's on and stop appeasing everyone. My favorite numbers 1-10 starting with my most favorite are 4, 2, 1, 7, 8, 10, 9, 6, 5, 3. I generally think 6 is a traitor who got sucked into 5's rhetoric for evil but generally even numbers have a kinder center then odd numbers do. But I'm a huge fan of pi and i. I think forks need to have a reality check and stop being so nosey. We all know the knife and the spoon share some kind of deep brother sister bond, we don't know why. Plates and cups are just passersby. I think these personifications have root in my childhood relationships and certain traumatic experiences I had with the times tables. Am I alone in this? I realize it makes no sense but is there no one in the wide expanse of this world who does the same weird things?

Live Awkwardly

I propose we stop using the word "awkward." I have found in my recent experiences that this word is used entirely too often and means entirely too little. It's become a word that conveys a wide range of feelings and therefore none at all. Plus, what's so bad about awkward? Doesn't it just make life more interesting? It just gets your heart beating a little faster, maybe you get a little red, feel a little thankful for your understanding of social mores. 

Instead of awkward I propose we express our feelings in a more clear and meaningful way. "When you blatantly crush all social norms I feel uncomfortable and afraid for my safety, sanity, and reputation." Or, "I realize you are an adolescent and have not yet learned how to effectively communicate with the opposing gender and I appreciate your efforts but would request that you clear any text messages with your mom before you send them my way."

Oh what a world we would live in if everyone could express their feelings so clearly. Embrace the awkward in us all and live a more full and rich life. Watch others squirm as you nail the situation and brush it off before it even hits the climax.

Double Bubble

Remember way back when you would chew this huge chunk of bubble gum and blow bubbles the size of your head while simultaneously removing all fillings, ruining your braces, and slowly wearing down your jaw? Those were the days. I think we all need to chew more bubble gum. You can really gauge the child inside by the popped bubble shards under their chin. Sick, I know, but a fairly accurate measure. Bubble gum was the largest draw on my income from ages 7 to 10. We couldn't chew gum at school so I would put it in my backpack and whip it out on the bus then pass it around to all the other kids in the back seat. That's right, I rode in the back seat of the bus. Jealous? The coolest bubbles are when you blow one then it pops and as you suck it back in you make another popping noise. Did you know that you can buy 8500 1/2 inch assorted Double Bubble gum balls for the small price of $49? What. A. Deal. Something I'm willing to consider. . .

To The Death

This semester promises to be one of that feeling where you listen to an hour long lecture and leave feeling so confused as if you are trying to grasp the concept of eternity over and over again but really just can't wrap your mind around it. I'm taking my first math class after 4ish years. That should be a great opportunity for growth. And then this other class says I may not understand everything in the reading after the first careful read through. That is, actually, the understatement of the century. It really is. I checked all the other understatements of the century thus far and this one totally wins. Oh how I love sitting with a confused look on my face, on the verge of tears, thinking about any alternative around this course requirement rather then focusing my energy on completing my work. But, this I know, If I do these classes right then I will look back with only fond memories and will recognize the growth I was so blessed to experience. Because these classes will not beat me. I'm super determined. . . Right now anyway.